9,120th day of misery.
names, secret names - but never in my favor. when all is said and done, it’s you i love. cold loving prose, we stole each others clothes. when all is said and done, it’s you i love.
i’m back to updating this several times a day. i can’t discuss these things with my friends, they just tell me to get over it or say “yeah”. the most awful feeling is to have feelings that won’t be reciprocated, and knowing for sure they won’t. also, having people give you a hard time all the time. what’s the deal?
raychall: I can honestly 100% say that I have never felt as low in my entire life as I have in the past four months as a whole. Anybody who knows me at all, knows that I never am the type of person to be pessimistic or give off these type of feelings, but it’s definitely starting to take a toll on me. Wake me up in about three months. change months to years and i’m there.
if you’re not thin, you won’t get the one you want. is this truth? judged solely on my romantic exploits of the past, it is.
i need a way out. a real one. i know how. i can’t come back, though. i just want to be missed.
every night it thunder stormed and every night - your breath - it warmed the back of my neck. i’m a lovesick wreck.
i think that this quote from wes eisold completely sums up my life: “i have an absolute fixation with nostalgia and the idea of people and loves that never happened, so much that I can’t function properly with the people in my actual life”. not an exaggeration. it’s gotten (or is getting to) the point where i don’t just yearn for those days, i need them. i don’t...
still holding on for, for what? can’t...
i just keep it to myself now. i don’t want to burden you or anyone else with my feelings. you’ve got a good thing going, i think. i don’t want to fuck it up with my childish/ridiculous/loveofabrokenheart stupidity. dreaming about it every night is probably the closest i’ll get. maybe someday. “quit while you’re ahead”.