I can honestly 100% say that I have never felt as low in my entire life as I have in the past four months as a whole. Anybody who knows me at all, knows that I never am the type of person to be pessimistic or give off these type of feelings, but it’s definitely starting to take a toll on me. Wake me up in about three months.
i think that this quote from wes eisold completely sums up my life: “i have an absolute fixation with nostalgia and the idea of people and loves that never happened, so much that I can’t function properly with the people in my actual life”.
not an exaggeration.
it’s gotten (or is getting to) the point where i don’t just yearn for those days, i need them. i don’t see how i can press on. there’s a lump in my throat and a weight in my gut and they just won’t go away.
i just keep it to myself now. i don’t want to burden you or anyone else with my feelings. you’ve got a good thing going, i think. i don’t want to fuck it up with my childish/ridiculous/loveofabrokenheart stupidity. dreaming about it every night is probably the closest i’ll get. maybe someday. “quit while you’re ahead”.